it’s nothing like that at all, yes one boy did get under my skin, so much he’s still floating around in my veins and i know full well that until im able to cleanse myself of him, i don’t want to be with someone, as i’ll always be comparing why they’re not him. I know im not over him, i don’t know how long it will take. But no one has even made me question if being alone is the right choice. No one has ever made me take a step back and think ‘wow, you’re actually pretty great’. Im not letting anyone ‘in’ because im not ready too. I know it will only result in a broken heart that isn’t mine. I don’t want to be that selfish anymore. They say you know when you know, why can’t i just go by that? There will be someone who comes along and blows him out the water, it might be tomorrow, it might be next year. But i don’t really want anyone now. It’s not that no one is good enough, it’s that i don’t feel that way towards anyone, why should i fake my feelings or convince myself when it should come naturally, you don’t learn to love someone, it just happens.
STOP. YOUR. THINKING. ABOUT. HIM. BITCH. BREATH. THAT’S. THE. CHUFFIN’. PAST.
I don’t disagree, nor do i give up, im just not looking for someone to make my heart skip a beat, im not looking for someone to make me feel complete. In fact, im happy sitting back on my bench, watching others lives and stories pass by whilst i go about doing things i know i enjoy, or experiencing life to it’s best. I can see that life has much to offer, and im excited about experiencing it. I’m not looking to feel down that im not someone’s number one, or someones ‘boo’, i don’t want to sit and always think ‘well no one wants to love me’ or ‘im having to convince myself of feelings because…’, i don’t want that. I know that when i’ve found my soul mate, it will hit me like a tonne of bricks, i know looking for it will be like chasing a butterfly. Why not just wait until fate puts it in the stars for me? Why not wait until im ready to ‘love’ another rather than just enjoying their company because they take away the lonely nights. I’m not giving up on love because of one thing, im just learning that i know what its like to finally have that passionate and real thing, so i don’t see the point in substituting it because i miss that feeling, i don’t want it to be a drug that i constantly chasing the high. I’m happy just waiting for it to go ‘FUCK YES BAM IM HERE’.